Motivation is great. We all want more of it. We want to feel as though something bigger than ourselves is driving us to do things that we feel we wouldn’t otherwise be able to do.
Motivation has it’s purpose but when it comes to long term and challenging goals. It simply isn’t enough to get us all the way.
Motivation will get us off the couch, and put the running shoes on. It will boost your energy levels and encourage you to do something different to begin with.
But it is not there when you didn’t get much sleep the night before and your into your 8th day of fitness and you are simply just too tired. It’s not there when you are emotionally upset and feeling deflated, and it definitely ain’t there when things aren’t going to plan.
This is where you need to have developed rituals. Rituals are something that happens every day, IRRELEVANT to how you are feeling about it. Having good rituals takes practice, we need to develop this muscle.
When we do an action, or feel a certain way on a consistent basis, our brain makes things easier for us by connecting neurons together so that pathways becomes easier to do repetitively. That is why change is initially difficult as our lower sub conscious brain is telling us that we are doing this wrong and can we please go back to how we have always done things in the past, as that is where our brain is comfortable.
In order to change we need to go through a period of discomfort or unease. If we didn’t we would never change or grow. Motivation will help get us through the initial phase. It can help to give our minds another place to go when it is screaming at us that what we are trying to do is stupid, wrong and you really don’t know what you are talking about. Who are you to …. blah blah blah. You know the kind of stuff I’m talking about.
Your lower brain is scared - It hates change. It wants to keep to safe in a little ball of cotton wool and keep things simple. It doesn’t tell us that outright. It simply puts sneaky little nasty thoughts into our heads to encourage us to make choices that it thinks is right for us to keep us safe.
That is where we get to use more of our conscious brain, and become aware of those nasty little thoughts and choose not to give them any power by listening to them. We can choose to think about something different, we can think about what our motivation is to change, whether it be intrinsically or extrinsically derived.
Then we need to implement rituals. Start small. Make a small commitment you can do every day. Make it so simple, and easy to do that you pretty much can’t not do it. You see often we have a belief that we can’t, don’t or never stick to our commitments.
While ever we hold that belief we are never going to achieve all that we want in life.
Nothing is ever achieved without consistent action taken, towards is attainment. It is not the BIG action that is needed - It is consistency. It is the everyday mundane, incremental shifts that will ultimately move the needle.
So start small, develop a ritual that use can then leverage on. You can say to your self “I committed to X everyday, and have followed through so I now know that I can commit to y ”. You will then develop another slightly bigger ritual, and you will feed of that, to then implement a ritual that will really start to make some changes.
Once you see that feel the changes, you will then find it easier to stick to your rituals.
But there are a few things to keep in mind here;
1. Don’t let those sneaky little thoughts enter you head. I found when I first started going to the gym at 5.30am it was easy for the first week as I was “motivated” but then as time went on and my muscles started to ache, I found myself having conversations in my head when my alarm went off. Sneaky little thoughts stated telling me - Oh, your riding another horse today so that can be your fitness, or Nic isn’t going to be there so no one will notice that I’m not there” and so on and so on.
What I had to do is as soon as the alarm went off - Get up. Get up quick before the sneaky little thoughts had a chance to open their mouths. I had my clothes beside my bed so I virtually fell into them. Once I was up there was no problem getting to the gym. Those sneaky little thoughts never had a chance
2. Stick to the small ritual you initially started. There will be a time when things happen and you notice you haven’t been sticking to your big ritual. At that point it can be easy to quit, and make up some sort of excuse as to why it wasn’t for you in the first place. We usually then start getting frustrated and berating ourselves. “You idiot, you knew you could never do it. Oh look, you’ve given up again……” Listening to those thoughts are only going to move us away from our goals, so if you slip up, don’t worry. Be kind to yourself. Think, it’s OK. I am still doing X, I haven’t quit. By sticking to the one simple ritual, you are still in the game. It is easier to make a tackle when you still have your footy boots on!
3. Notice if you start to miss the small ritual as that’s where things start to unravel. This one is a big one for me personally. I have a series of rituals that I do everyday. I had noticed on reflection that whenever I slipped up on my big ritual, I had always slipped up on my little one first. Usually a couple of days before I gave up on the big one. Now I am aware of this, I notice when the little one get’s shaky, and I make darn sure that I continue to do that little one no matter what. When I do that I am able to get through the tricky few days where I may have been more emotional, or life was busy or whatever and continue to do my little ritual. In doing that my big ones hold fast too.
4. Don’t let emotions have a say in your rituals. These rituals need to be done on days when you are happy, days when you feel like everyone is against you, days when you feel useless, days when you are crazy busy, or days when you can’t be bothered and would rather be doing something else. Rituals don't care. I don’t care how you feel. You do them anyway.
HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT DOING YOUR RITUAL DOESN’T MATTER.
YOU JUST DO THEM.
END OF STORY
So if you have a big goal - Bloody Fantastic!
Set yourselves 3 rituals today.
One that you will begin today. Make it easy. Ensure it is something you are willing to commit to.
Another that that is uncomfortable, but is achievable and has short term gains.
Lastly, one that makes you feel a little uneasy about doing it, but that you know will ultimately move the needle towards where you are heading and give you long term results.
Start with the first, and when you trust yourself in sticking to your commitments, implement the other two. How long this takes is different for everyone. Some will be onto all 3 in three days, others might take three weeks. How ever long it takes for you is perfectly fine.
You know you are well on your way, when these rituals become so sub conscious that you find yourself doing them without even thinking about it. You have connected neurons together in such a way that they fire together effortlessly. There are no nasty little conversations going on in your head, as they know there is no point speaking up, they won’t be heard anyway.
Let me know what your rituals are and how you go with this. If you would like a hand or talk this concept through more, get in touch. I’m always around and happy to help in anyway I can.
It doesn't matter what we are moving towards. Whether it is something we are wanting to achieve, something we are wanting to change or something we want. In order to achieve it, we need to be taking some sort of action towards that outcome.
This is no surprise to anyone.
We have all heard that we need to be take things one step at a time, but in my and many of my clients experiences it is not quite a simple as that.
I know from my own personal journey, sometimes I felt like I was striding forth, sword in hand, arm outstretched ready to take the castle, and next thing I knew it I felt like I was curled up an a metaphorical foetal position in the lounge room floor ( Yes, I actually remember a time where in my mind I could see my self on the floor feeling completely and utterly exhausted)
I remember thinking this is all too hard, I should just quit trying. And then I looked at what quitting was, what was involved and what my life would look like if I did. It didn’t look good - In fact it looked so shitty that I realised there was no quit, it was no longer an option.
That one thought gave me strength. I no longer questioned whether I could achieve my goal. There was no question, no fork in the road, only a bumpy, windy, corrugated surface filled with bull dust and the occasional road kill.
So from my metaphorical lounge room floor, I lifted my head, propped one elbow under my shoulder and dragged my sorry arse forward and inch. I rested, and did it again. Then I was able to get a knee under me and stand before taking a wobbly shuffle forward.
You see - this wonderful journey called life isn’t one big freeway heading towards shiny things and swimming pools. It’s definitely not all down hill and the wind is not always behind us, but that is a good thing!
If we didn’t need to stop and fix and flat tyre we would have missed the koala in the trees, and if we didn’t get bogged in the bull dust we would not have met the person who could go on to become a great friend, mentor or teacher.
It’s funny - We have the mentality that in order to succeed, we must to be moving ahead at the same speed or faster than everyone else and with huge amounts of motivation and gusto, then everything will fall onto place. The problem with that is it can all look so big and unachievable, and if we are not willing to see the journey or the process as the outcome it is easy to get disheartened and not try at all. Quitting then, isn’t a problem, because you won’t even start!
Moving towards our goals simply means we are doing a little bit every day, even if it is tiny. Even if it is crawling on your hands and knees, because crawling will build momentum.
Crawling leads to walking, walking will get you to the metaphorical gym, which will develop your mental, physical and emotional strength and fitness. Knowing that when you get knocked down it won’t bother you is a super strong strength to develop!
It will mean the hard, scary stuff won’t be so scary anymore because you know you can still crawl forward if you fall!
You will know that no matter what, you can still lift your head, get an elbow under your shoulder, drag a knee up and place your foot flat on the floor and rise again.
Knowing that in you gut is all you need.
There you will find that because you are no longer afraid of the fall - the fear or the judgement, it won’t bother you anymore leaving you to hold steady in the wind and jump the potholes in the road.
The road won’t feel so bumpy, you will build shock absorbers and get better tyres.
So from an equestrian perspective, no matter your goal - Keep moving forwards from wherever you land.
Not everything will go to plan all of the time. Sometimes you will have ground rounds, jump superbly and move up a level, but it is also going to go to shit at some point. Maybe for only a short time, maybe it will feel like forever but when it does, and it will - It’s OK.
The difference between those who will eventually succeed at achieving their goals, is between those who are willing to dare to fail, and those who won’t. Those who get up and those who don’t.
You will succeed when you know you can handle whatever happens
P.s If there is something in your life that you would like to move towards and change, but find yourself stuck, then let me know. Together we can get you on your own bumpy road to Success
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Well it certainly has been quite some time since I last wrote anything in the Blog section.
I have spent the last 12 months making sure that I am walking my own walk, as well as talking the talk in regards to my own choices, behaviours and direction in life.
I wanted to know that I could have conversations with people who are looking to achieve much more than they currently are from an experiential place where I have made the mistakes and done the tough miles to get to where I am now . I needed to take this journey so I could help to show the way so much clearer for my clients. I needed to understand the process intuitively so I can be more compassionate and understanding.
When I look back at my last Blog which was in June 2018, my first thought is what have I achieved since then, was it all worth it.
Thankfully, all I can say is YES! Yes, Yes, Yes. This journey has been so worth it, and it is still continuing. I hope it will forever continue. I wan't to know that I am continually growing and improving myself. That will mean more challenges and getting out of my comfort zone, getting out of my own way, but I have done that enough in the last 2 years to know in my gut that on the other side of every challenge is a reward far greater than I could have expected.
I am no longer afraid of the challenge. I am not afraid of rejection and not afraid of failure.
What have I achieved since that last Blog? - Well, it all depends how you look at it. I could say I have travelled to China coaching, represented my country as a coach, created a new online business, completed my course, facilitated and spoken at workshops/seminars/presentations, furthered my coaching qualifications, grown my coaching business and got back into starting young horses and riding competitively again but as far as I am concerned they are only symptoms, only feedback from what I have really achieved in the last 12 months.
I have developed far better and more meaningful relationships, strengthened my emotional intelligence and resilience, taken my fitness and health to a whole new level, overcome addictions, developed partnerships with people who challenge and inspire me, faced and dealt with difficult past experiences and found so much meaning to those experiences. I have forgiven and understood, learnt how to meditate and focus my mind towards a much clearer intention, know when and why I am procrastinating and how to move out of that into action, reignited my passion and rejuvinated my energy levels, found my sense of purpose and know my drivers that will help get me there, and am now on my way of becoming the best of who I can be. I have learnt I am enough -
I am young enough
I am old enough
I am experienced enough
I am brave enough
I am loving enough
I am smart enough
I am good enough
and I am tough enough
I am worthy and I am grateful xx
Facing the anxiety, bringing all those fears out into the light and owning them. Appreciating them and then using them as a tool to keep me moving forward. Understanding that they had no more power over me has been such a wonderful experience and I am so grateful of the awareness and emotional resilience I now have to be able to handle everything that comes my way. It may not get it right every time - and that is OK
So now I am back - ready to serve. Ready to help others transform their lives.
Ready to help you find the path that brings you more joy, more love and more success!
You are sooo worth it!
Let's do this xxx